Common Mistakes Most Often Made by Parents When Talking To Children

Being a parent is one of the biggest and most difficult challenges in a person's life. Especially when parents have to start applying parenting to children. Of course, parenting that is applied to one child and another child varies and depends on the child's temperament. Some parents may apply permissive parenting that does not limit the child to something. However, some others might adopt a parenting "Helicopter Parenting" parenting that is always watching over children anytime and anywhere.

Indeed, the application of parenting to children is your right as a parent. However, it is important to realize that good parenting is a fair, flexible, respectful attitude to one another, and makes the learning process the main thing rather than the child's achievement of something. Justice meant here is to teach children to be able to listen, respect each other's feelings, give choices to children, and set clear and fair limits on acceptable behavior.

For this reason, parents need to be able to communicate this well to children. Unfortunately, some parents misspoke with children, making children more confused about what their parents want. What are the most common mistakes parents make when talking to children?

The Most Frequent Mistakes When Parents Talk to Children

1. Talk Too Much

Of course, every parent ever talks to children, but have we ever realized how much to talk to children? Lest we have talked too much to them. Yet according to researchers, when parents talk too much to children, children will ignore parents.

The researchers say that the human brain can only store 4 "pieces" of information or unique ideas in short-term (active) memory at once. If converted, the human brain only stores unique information for the first 30 seconds or the equivalent of 2 sentences when other people talk.

One example of mistakes that parents often make when talking to children, for example:

"I'm not sure, you can take taekwondo lessons and swim in one day. Just imagine deck, come home from school on Tuesday at 3 am Taekwondo tutoring directly, then at 5 pm already have to enter swimming classes. Even though Taekwondo lessons and swimming are far. At least if you ride a motorcycle and don't jam for up to 15 minutes. Then, up at the pool, you have to change your clothes first, wear a sunblock. Not to mention, I'll complain about fatigue, continue to fuss, cry, eventually we don't go swimming lessons ... "

All of the information above turned out to be too much for the kids! So what we mean is not up to the child. It would be better if we replace all the information above with the following sentence:

"If you want to take taekwondo lessons and swim on the same day, then all taekwondo and swimming equipment must be prepared the night before. C'mon, let's think together can this plan work, deck?

In the effective sentence above, the parent packs all the information at length with just 2 sentences and asks the child together to think whether both plans will work. In this case, parents invite children to discuss to achieve the same goal, which is to be able to set the time between tutoring and swimming.

2. Ranting and Giving Lots of Warnings

Some of us may indeed have grumbled and given many warnings to children. Especially in the morning when everyone is racing against time. Quite often we nag at length because children cannot wake up in the morning and so on.

Examples of mistakes parents often make when talking to 10-year-old children, for example,

"I woke up early because you couldn't get ready quickly. You should immediately wear uniforms now! Do you have homework that Father hasn't checked yet? "

10 minutes later …

"Dad already told you to get ready, but it's still slow! You will make us all late! "

10 minutes later …

"Where is your homework anyway? I have to sign now, and you haven't finished wearing the uniform yet! We will be late again today! "

In the sentence above, the parent continues to take the responsibility of the child and continues to conduct disturbances by giving successive instructions. This parenting style can certainly make children hate their parents. Instead of just nagging it's better to replace it with the following sentence:

Examples of effective sentences:

"We will leave in 15 minutes. If you haven't been able to package what is needed for school today, think about how to explain it to the teacher later. "

The instructions above are clearer and easier for children to understand. The above sentence also does not contain judgment, anxiety, and attempts to control. Through the above sentence, the parent wants to make the child learn about the natural consequences if he is late for school.

3. Using Guilt and Shame for Children to Obey Children

Some parents may use guilt and shame so that children obey. For example by making mistakes in talking to children like,

"You told me to clean the house after waking up. At least sweep or clean your toys so the house is cleaner and neater. But now look, dust everywhere, toys used overnight are still lying everywhere. Do you know?? I'm tired of waking up in the morning to make you breakfast, not to mention afraid of leaving for work late. Don't be selfish, be a child! "

The sentence above shows the negative energy from the parent aimed at the child. Calling a selfish child makes the child think something is wrong with him. Children will see that they are "not good enough" and seem "bad," but this is not the case.

Instead, replace the speech errors above with the following positive sentences:

"You see that the little toys haven't been cleaned yet? This makes you sad even though we promised to keep the house tidy. Come on, start finishing the toys with you. "

4. Not Listening to Children

Some mistakes that parents do quite often when talking to children are not trying to listen to children effectively. For example in the following conversation:

Son: "Ma'am, my math test is good today!"

Mother: (without making eye contact), "Wow, this is great, now change clothes, wash hands, eat and play with the little ones." (Muttering to himself) "After entering tapioca flour then do I put oil or water first?"

In the conversation above, Mother does seem to listen but doesn't make eye contact with the child. Through effective listening means it also involves all non-verbal organs such as eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice. But what I did above was only to ask the child not to disturb him while cooking, and that what is important for the child is not important for me.

Therefore, you should replace it with effective sentences such as:

Son: "Ma'am, my math test is good today!"

Mother: (while making eye contact and stopping all work being done) "Wow, you must be proud, aren't you? I know that if you try to study hard, your math grades will be good. From now on, you keep up the study method, so the grades of other subjects are also good. "

There are so many choices of positive sentences that parents can say to children when talking. However, some of us are so emotionally charged that we often only say harsh words to our children. Children are also entitled to get gentleness from their parents every day. Let's try starting today!